【白頭偕老，談何容易】
Was answering some questions from my client last night.
Most of us here would had our wedding dates selected by a Feng Shui master. Be it of our choice, our parents' or our in-laws'.
I had mine selected by Master You Long Zi. He was my father's favourite fortune teller for decades.
At that time, I didn't know of any FSM that I could trust. Master You Long Zi gave me several choices and a mini manual of to-do and not-to-do.
I remember the session was about 15 minutes. Then again, the dates are all that matter. For a veteran like Master You Long Zi, doesn't need a long time to select good dates.
I did not give him any restriction like must be on a weekend, must be by XXX month because of upcoming flat, or must be in anniversary month.
I was wiling to accommodate to a good date, than to have a good date accommodate to me. 日子天定，非人定。 For that can mean a subpar date for my once-in-a-lifetime.
After being more adept at date selection, I went to check on my wedding date.
It was a great auspicious date on all counts, benefiting both the Husband and I.
Our wedding spans over two days, with 2 wedding dinners of 600 guests and a solemnisation ceremony at Fo Guang Shan temple.
Did everything go smoothly? Yes.
Was it fun? Definitely.
Do we have a happy marriage, eleven years after we said our vows? Yes and no.
An auspicious wedding date sets the tone for a happy and lasting union. It is the birth date (Bazi) of your marriage.
At its most basic, a good date ensures that your wedding day proceeds smoothly, and that any hiccup or disagreement will be kept to a minimum. Both families will be happy. Good memories last a lifetime. Bad memories erupt into WWIII, every time your wife speaks of her wedding day.
For the brides, an auspicious date helps to protect them from being bullied by the in-laws.
It fulfils the Heavenly component of the Metaphysics equation of success: 天時 (Right Time), 地利 (Right Place) and 人和 (Right People).
There are still two other factors that matters.
The Feng Shui of the matrimonial home and the compatibility of the couple's Bazi.
We don't just want an auspicious wedding.
We crave a marriage that is happy and strong.
Among my clients, 90% of them neglected their home Feng Shui. Sometimes, it's both parties, sometimes it's one spouse.
Almost all of them don't have a logical reason to dispute Chinese Metaphysics. It is mostly an emotional reaction to disbelieve, or the commonly misplace mindset of "I don't want to be bound by rules and just want to live freely" playing prank.
This concept of "living freely" is like come what may, good luck or bad luck.
You think a fulfilling marriage happens to everyone? If that is true, there won't be thousands of angsty love songs.
There is no ESC button that we can readily press, when things gets rough.
And some words when spoken wrongly, can't be DEL.
Fact of life: it takes more than a good wedding date to sustain a marriage.
We use Feng Shui to help harmonise the living environment of a family unit, so that the couple do not have to risk their marriage in vain.
A marriage is more vulnerable than you care to admit.
Good Feng Shui helps keep roving eyes in check and snip away the unwanted Peach Blossom (Bad) Luck in time.
It brings in more abundance for the couple, than what the couple can achieve on their own. #人的力量是有限的.
It nurtures children who are more filial, obedient and focused in their studies.
It clears up many obstacles and attracts benefactors into your life.
A simple benefactor can be a great tutor that your child likes or a helpful maid that does not give you problems or steal your loose change.
It's easy to say, "We will do whatever it takes to keep our marriage strong."
Come on, let's get real. We are humans. We get tired. We get stressed.
We pick at nitty-gritty faults and magnify them unnecessarily.
This is especially common in couples whose Bazi are mismatched.
During home selection or wedding date selection. couples would ask me about their Bazi compatibility.
Isn't it kinda late? What are you going to do, even if you know the truth? Cancel your wedding plans?
It's rare to see couples of compatible Bazi. Then again, marriage is a game of karmic debt for many people. #人生本來就是酬業
The best time to ask about your Bazi is to seek a proper Bazi consultation with me, way before you have any wedding plan.
I sometimes get requests from my clients to bring their favourite human along, but my stance had always been to only meet the client alone.
There will be some limitations in what I can tell you, if your concerned girlfriend is hovering beside you.
You know me. I am direct. No girlfriend can take it, if I tell you she is of a poor wife material, and don't marry her, no matter what.
If I don't tell you the truth, next time you're going to say Ji Qian makes a poor fortune teller.
If you are married, a Bazi consultation will set things into better perspective and get you of out of your rut.
Not everyone's Bazi gets better after marriage.
Not every man marries a woman who brings him better luck.
Not every woman snags a man who makes a good husband and father.
About 8 years ago, I once told a teenager in secondary school that she must marry late or she will risk having an unhappy marriage. I strongly advocated celibacy before marriage.
I knew she wouldn't listen, but I still went ahead to nag.
She was pregnant before turning 21 and got wedded in a haste.
According to her, it was a planned move to have a child. #badmove
Time to time, I would hear her whine about her unhappiness with her spouse, her in-laws and the problems with her daughter.
I had wanted to bring up this point in my workshops but had missed out every single time.
Children who are conceived outside wedlock are one of the hardest to raise.
Life is short. Don't waste time and suffer for nothing, when you already have access to a practitioner who is willing to help.
.........
p.s. If you get pregnant before marriage, please give birth to the child. Never ever choose abortion. There is no fury like a murdered baby scorned.
人生本來就是酬業 在 [心得] 佛學人生的小小感悟- 看板Buddhism 的推薦與評價
已經有點年紀了 接觸佛教的時間也將近二十年，
最近對於人生酬業很有感，
以前學生時期對於佛法體會還不深的時候，
總希望自己有很好的人緣，
到不同的環境，總希望別人對自己友善，能融入團體，
希望交很多朋友，跟每個人都很好，常常有朋友可以約出去，
我曾經問我爸，為什麼你都沒什麼朋友，
假日為什麼都在家不跟朋友約出去，
我爸也沒回答什麼，只說朋友太多，應酬很累，也未必有意義，
國中接觸佛教以後，對於佛門很嚮往，也曾跟父母說想出家，
我爸自己學佛幾十年，但他堅決反對，他堅持我們活在世界上就是要傳宗接代，
一定要有家庭，一定要有後代，一定要結婚，一定要生子，
後來也曾經跟我媽說我想出家，我媽說為什麼我一定要做這種讓她傷心的事，
幾年前曾經遇到一位在家修行的居士，
這位居士住很鄉下的地方，末學很敬重他，
因為他算是以淨土理念起家，真正讓我感受到他是證悟的人，
他口中所說的一切，與我長年聽淨空法師講法的思想完全吻合，
(這一生接觸號稱學佛的人太多了，除淨宗學院有遇到類似的人，
其他大部分都不是真心修行者)
而他也將佛法徹底落實在生活中，
偶然的情況下，他勸我的家人不要有結婚的念頭(似乎想找對象)，好好學佛，
而末學跟這位居士提出想出家的念頭，
他卻說，我一定要結婚，不然還要再來輪迴，
除此之外，父母有跟一位密宗的法師，
那位法師也曾暗示末學，將來是會結婚生子有家庭；
近日有感，如同淨空法師所言，學佛是人生的最高享受，
我們人在世間，都是有酬業而來，
夫妻本是前緣，無緣不聚，兒女原是宿債，無債不來
也如同修藍博士所說，我們活著就是為了清除記憶，
末學自己是很想到鄉下隱居，如同海賢法師，每天念佛拜佛，種田過日子，
這些日子以來，看了很多得道高僧的紀錄，
很多都是從小父母就不在世，了悟人生，因而放下一切進入佛門修行，
因為了無牽掛，最後能有很高的成就，
當然不是說希望自己沒有父母，只是幾十年人生，都活在父母的期待之下，
想做自己想做的事情也不行，
工作也每天要應付很多人、很多事，對於人生完全沒意義，
只為了滿足我爸要我賺錢的要求，
親戚之間往來也很密切，雖然她們人都很好，
但我冷靜觀察很多地方也未必是善緣，
若是心生貪戀，反成愛慾，更增輪迴之本，
若是不想跟親氣太過密切來往，長輩還會生氣，
像我之前比較久沒回外公家，外公就生氣，
我哥不想回外公家，他媽也生氣，說要重視家族聚會，
除家庭之外，工作也是人生一大籌業，
細細想來，人生要過下去，需要用多少錢?
何必非要為了賺很多錢，買大一點，新一點的房子車子，要一直長年累月的去工作?
淨空法師說:一年拼命工作，休息兩年不要工作，
專心念佛；這是有智慧、有大福報的
以前我覺得這種想法無法落實在生活中，
以我的工作來看，三十幾歲以上，待業個兩年，就沒人要了，這行業都要年輕的，
現在覺得講的很有道理，那不如我轉個彎，
我就努力工作個十五年，早早離職去修行吧!
工作也是很大的酬業，我們每天見到同事的時間，比家人還長，
每天要跟同事說的話，也比家人親戚都還要多，
如淨空法師所說，每天說的話很多都沒意義，不如老實念佛，
但像我的工作非勞力活，就是要面對很多人處理事情，不想講話都不行，
所以非常羨慕海賢法師，以我的理解，
海賢法師到往生前應該都是默默的修行，
知道他的人很少，所以不會有一堆酬業要應付，
他可以安安靜靜的老實種田念佛，在我看來，這才是最幸福，最有意義的人生，
金山活佛也是很怕人家知道他可以治病，因為這樣他很忙，而且要天天洗澡，
由此來看，我們在塵勞中載浮載沉，真的是滿滿的宿業，其實是非常辛苦的，
常常有公司聚餐要去大魚大肉(現在疫情才減少)，
不然就是很多朋友要約，有的人拒絕他他還會生氣呢，
我本身也是很不善於拒絕，
廣欽老和尚也跟記者說，一堆人來找我，我要念大悲水，沒人來找我正好念佛，
這話實在讓末學感觸甚深!
若能如淨空法師所說，專念三年就去西方了，這樣多幸福啊，
哪還需要花這麼多時間在世上，早早就搭直達車到終點站，
我爸媽學佛都很久了，
我爸整天還想賺大錢，一直想投資股票搞房地產，
我媽常勸他說，你賺那麼多錢(其實我爸都是賠錢居多)，你兒子未必想結婚，有何意義?
而我媽自己本身說他很怕死，不想離開這個世界，
我看他們都是學佛很久，但沒有學到精隨，對世界還非常貪戀，
若能覺悟世事如夢幻泡影，
我們所擁有的一切，身體、房子、車子、父母、家人、老婆、小孩，全都是暫時擁有，
都當作是借來的，就不會這麼執著了，
就能如同淨空法師所說的，人生如旅社，毫不牽掛，
阿彌陀佛。
以上是我的一些想法，不確定思見有沒有很正確，
此文就當作一篇日記，記錄我現在的感觸，以後再回來看。
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※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Buddhism/M.1599854461.A.774.html
※ 編輯: Omitopho (36.227.109.213 臺灣), 09/12/2020 04:02:43
※ 編輯: Omitopho (36.227.109.213 臺灣), 09/12/2020 04:09:42
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